So I got a girlfriend the other day. That was a good day.

I want to save you all the sappy “new love” stuff, so let’s just skip straight to the relationship gripes.

The worst thing about having a girlfriend is that my entire repertoire of sad, creepy, single man humour is lost to me. I’d been developing that for years. Now all I have is inadequate, newbie boyfriend humour, and that won’t last long. Then I have inadequate medium/long-term boyfriend humour, and that’s pretty much every non-single man’s joke bread-and-butter.

They say relationships are about sacrifice, but I totally forgot to count the cost to my comedy routines.

If you’re wondering, the best thing about having a girlfriend is she’s awesome. I would have liked to have been able to add that the best thing is also that we get to sync calendars, but she uses a paper diary and you can’t sync them with anyone. Still it’s probably for the best. It’s way too early to be syncing calendars. That’s a level of intimacy our relationship is not yet ready for. I think syncing calendars is probably up there with pet names, hosting dinner parties, and public fights in the shops, and we’re not ready for any of them.